No one is going to accuse me of being a fashionista. That portion of my wardrobe not purchased at JC Penney or from L.L. Bean is devoted to t-shirts -- for powwows and pop culture references mostly. But the thing that apparently would offend the sartorially sensitive is my drawer full of socks.
I have noticed in the fashion advertising for men in Esquire, GQ, and other magazines that few of the male models are wearing socks. I know that for some shoes the socks are optional. For instance, sandals require socks only if you are a British tourist visiting Venice Beach. I have seen plenty of men sans socks in boat shoes, penny loafers, and drivers. But I never see in the real world what I have seen in many ads: men without socks in more conventional leather shoes, even in wingtips and ankle boots.
Some folks might think this is tres chic.
All I can think is stinkfoot.
And ankle bones chewed raw.
A recent ad campaign from Banana Republic features a bevy of white folks having fun at Joshua Tree National Monument in Southern California. They are wearing all sorts of clothing inappropriate for climbing rocks and hiking in the desert. Look at this young man leaning against his car. Look at his shoes. Note the absence of socks. Think about his sweaty man-flippers in those leather puppies.
What will Dr. Scholl say when they bring this guy into the ER with bloody ankles and fetid feet?
This even happens in the real world. Kanye West has ditched his socks for the red carpet. I know, I know. I am a straight man, so why am I looking at Kanye's naked ankles when Amber Rose is in the picture? (I am sorry, Amber. I will try harder.)
Some of this trend made more sense when I saw a photograph of a hot fashion designer in Esquire. No wonder male models have been shorn of their socks. The designers hate them! There is Michael Bastian, wearing a blazer and a tie -- and no socks. I know he is wearing penny loafers, and those can be worn without socks. But for me the jacket and tie dictate the need for them. And as if that didn't make him tool enough, he's sitting on the mantle piece. He seems to have issues.
Someone should introduce him to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.